On hard days, God is bigger.
On happy days, God is bigger.
On days like dreams or nightmares,
God is still bigger.
I have been away for a while, a loooonnnngggg while, but I feel the urgency to speak again welling up in me. My God is doing a work I have been waiting for a long time now. He is filling me full again, full of compassion, love, sorrow, and hope simultaneously.
It has been a difficult time. My daddy, who I love dearly, is battling cancer. Surgery is not an option. The doctors say it is incurable. He can no longer eat or drink, and a feeding tube supplies him of the nutrients he needs daily. I have cried and begged for healing. I have prayed for comfort and peace. I have asked for strength.
My God has been gracious enough to supply all this, and more. Healing, for my heart, is happening. I am accepting of His will and know He has purpose. He has walked me through the hard days and carried me when I was too weak.
My daddy is still sick. He is still discouraged and downhearted. He still cannot eat or drink.
But there is hope.
God is filling me with unexplainable hope and joy through all of this. Yes, I am heartbroken, but I am filled with peace today. Today is good a day.
Though I know there are rough days ahead. It is likely sometime in the near future I will have to say goodbye to my daddy on this earth, unless God choses to do a miracle, which I wouldn’t put it past Him. There are days I will be overwhelmed by heartbreak and loneliness.
But through it all, God is bigger.
I know this in my heart of hearts. In the deepest crevices of my soul, it echoes and soothes me, revives and sustains me. I will survive, and though I will cry, I will smile again. The joy He has given me will not quenched but beat with my heart. It might hide for a season. It might be only a memory on some nights. But like annuals in a garden, it will bloom again, and again, and again.
Because God is bigger.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. -Psalms 51:12